(In)difference

This is for the times I didn’t speak when I should have,
for those situations wherein I bottled things up I know I shouldn’t have,
for that special moment when I held myself back and so, fooled everyone into thinking that I didn’t care,
or when I retreated to that special place I created just for myself -
and chose to ostracize myself.
It was not my intention to push people away,
I just had to regroup and fortify my defenses.
I just had to heal on my own and try not to infect those I care about.
I kept silent as it is the only way I knew to shield them from my anger, from my hurt, and from the things I know will only hurt them.
I can deal with myself, but I fear that nobody else can.
Is that arrogance? So others imply.
But then again, I’ve never really cared about the opinions of those I don’t respect.
I mean, will the world stop revolving just because some ignoramus did not approve of me or of my actions?
So there. In life, there are things that we can never control.
But we can always try.
Or we can let go.
And focus on those things that we CAN control.
I believe that’s more productive.
This is my reparation, my feeble attempt at explaining away my actions (or lack thereof) and my silences.
I don’t expect you to understand,
but you have my gratitude for taking the time to try to….