How many times have I proven to myself that I can handle pressure? And yes, I may be crazy, but I do thrive on it, I actually demand that that one factor always be present in order for me to perform well. And if I can’t find it, tough luck, I’ll just have to make it up. And so I pressure myself, I push myself, I set higher goals for myself. Because achieving standard goals just makes me what? Belonging to the average group? Not really, because for me, that makes me a very lazy person - someone who would do what’s only expected of them, what they were told to.
I’ve always detested those who never aspire to be someone in their chosen fields. I mean, if you’re going to be a criminal, you’d better be one of the best damn criminals the world has ever seen, if not the best.
I don’t know what I’m driving at here, actually.
It’s just that all of a sudden, I feel so tired of what I’m doing but I can’t just leave. Something doesn’t feel right. No, a lot. But you keep on doing what you’re doing. Because you’re no longer a child. You are now acquainted with that thing - consideration. Oh, and a lot of other things as well - discretion, politics, hierarchy, and everything you’ve acquired while walking the road to maturity. If we could only shed them.
I’ve been having headaches for the past five days now. I didn’t want to call them migraines - they’re for sissies, for those who shy away from their responsibilities. But as days passed and my ‘headaches’ became so painful that they were making me throw up, I had to give in and change my views on migraines. I wasn’t that far gone to call myself a sissy.
Am I just biting off more than I could chew? Because the other conclusion is not really acceptable.
Burnout - I hate the word.
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